October 29, 1999

"Six Degrees of Separation" is the play and sometimes parlor game about each person being just a few contacts away from anybody else in the world. If they want a connection with the famous, the game gives most people a little kick to think that celebrities are accessible, even if remotely.

But what about the reverse effect? Others before me have recognized the concept, but I call it "360 Degrees of Connection," and once you experience its horrifying effects you'll never again view any venture the same way. Unfortunately, tens of thousands of Solanoans will be getting hit by the phenomenon very soon, if they haven't already.

I'm talking about the maintenance and renovation of our aging housing units. Locally and across the nation, incredible numbers - the statistical term is "a whole lotta them" - were built in the mid-to-late '80s and they're all due for some significant refurbishing.

The Husband Kurt and I have been attending to some of these projects and we know firsthand how my theory works. Every home improvement job is literally connected to another one and inevitably causes damage to the adjacent parts.

Imagine a twist on the old skeleton bones song, as in "The floorboard's connected to the baseboard, the baseboard's connected to the wallboard, the wallboard's connected to the stud board, and they're all connected to the roof."

Case in point: We had the exterior painted and then the light fixtures looked sad, their replacements make the slightly dented front door and scuffed hardware look ratty, its replacement mars trim on the inside of the door, the repainting of interior trim draws attention to the interior walls' paint flaws, etc., add bankruptcy.

It reminds me of being an adolescent living next door to my Grandma and Grandpa Hare, when I would occasionally bug them to redecorate something in their Victorian house. It would drive me crazy when they'd resist my grand plans, always saying, "If we change one thing, it'll just lead to another and another."

Now I realize that on this point they were right and right with a certainty you can - and should - bank on.

If there's anything left in our savings account after we work around and through the whole house, we're going to try to hedge our losses by buying stock in companies within the home improvement industry. But right now, I've got to let in the linoleum man.

© 1999 Cynthia Hahn