December 3, 1999

While doubt from others can be hurtful, letting it become self-doubt is devastating. The latest on Gulf War Syndrome made me think about being doubted and its link to being dismissed.

Researchers at the University of Texas are heralding a quantifiable chemical indication of certain brain tissue damage in veterans who say they suffer from the malady. This follows a declaration earlier this year that the health problems known as Gulf War Syndrome were just manifestations of stress or psychological conditions. To afflicted vets, it was like, "No doubt, we doubt you. Dismissed!"

This topic is of particular interest to me, as I've had chronic fatigue syndrome since the Gulf War. Coincidental or not, my life stopped with a deadening thud during the time of the initial deployments from Travis AFB, before any reports of the troops' problems. Only later did I wonder if there was any connection since I knew people who'd been to the Gulf and we here in Solano County were at ground zero as the military transportation hub.

My illness began with a high fever and a rash that I assumed was a temporary viral infection. Weeks later, and feeling worse, I consulted with my allergist because on top of the joint and whole-body pain, zombie-like fatigue, headache, and photosensitivity to the point of wearing sunglasses indoors--on rainy days--my asthma and sinus problems were out of control.

It was only years later that I realized how lucky my going to Dr. Robert Freinkel really was. He soon diagnosed chronic fatigue syndrome, treated the allergy symptoms, and essentially told me to adjust my lifestyle rheostat down to what was manageable and cope the best I could.

Though the symptoms aren't as bad most of the time, physical and emotional stress can cause full-blown relapses that leave me feeling as if contagious mobsters have passed on the flu while fitting me with cement shoes. My health notwithstanding, the point is that I believe ultimately Gulf War Syndrome and CFS will be found to be versions of the same viral disease and that it attacks when the immune system is lowered by various factors, including those Gulf War toxins.

The lesson is that there are times when doubt is in order and times when it's not. When someone's too sick to partake in enjoyable activities for more than several weeks, keep an open mind to it being something we don't yet understand or can't detect. That goes double for any healthcare professionals out there. The best doctors will admit when they're stumped.

© 1999 Cynthia Hahn